Sacrifice!

Today in Relief Society we had a great lesson on Sacrifice. It was a wonderful lesson that I really enjoyed and I wanted to jot down a few of my feelings. As Mothers we are constantly sacrificing whether it be our time, cooking, cleaning, listening or all other manner of things. Sometimes quite frankly I don't want to cook or clean, but I do it because we need to eat and I love my family. It was mentioned that we as women don't share our true feelings with each other for fear of judgement. I know I am guilty of this. I have felt lonely many times needing someone to talk to but not wanting to be judged so I keep it in. Why is it that we women are so hard on ourselves? I was talking to Mike yesterday about how tired I am for apologizing for myself whether it be I'm sorry I'm not as smart as others or my house isn't as clean as others or whatever it may be. I am fed up with apologizing for being me. I am different from other people and that's okay. We as women need to give ourselves a break. We sacrifice so much for our families and I am glad to do it, but I also need to be true to myself and accept my imperfections and be proud of being me. I know this is a lot of rambling, but I want to make an effort in 2011 to stop apologizing for not having a College degree yet or any thing else. I want to be more confident and look at my accomplishments instead of imperfections. Mike was saying yesterday that he thinks a lot of women are afraid to show confidence and that it's okay to say I think I'm pretty neat. I will continue to cook for my family and do the laundry because I love them, but I'm going to try harder to be happy with who I am today not what I hope to be. No more being afraid to open up to others about my feelings. If they want to judge then I guess we're not that great of friends. I am not perfect, but I try really hard to be the best I can be. Let's all pat ourselves on the back for all the good we do.

Christmas 2010 Part 2

Here's a few pics from our Christmas festivities. Like I said earlier we had Mike's family staying with us so we had lots of fun playing games and eating of course. There was some serious rock band going on too. We hosted the Keil Christmas party at our house. We decided we would incorporate the ugly Christmas sweater into our party. Cheryl also decided we needed some flashy necklaces to go with our beautiful sweaters so we designed our own creations and boy were they festive. We had a lot of fun picking out our most fabulous sweaters. Eric did a fine job with his sweater, but the candy cane turtleneck underneath really sealed the deal. Cheryl picked out the same sweater as Eric, but added the sparkly sweater underneath. I made Mike purchase his sweater out of the womens section. It had ginger bread houses on it and said something about Happiness is Homemade. He thought it needed some manning up so he added a flannel shirt with it. We had a great time laughing at each other.
We played games on Christmas Eve and had a fun time just being together. Then Christmas morning I woke up at 6:00 and waited for the kids to come get us. They never came so finally at 7:00 I woke them up. I guess it is official our kids have grown up. Here's some pics of Christmas morning:



We were so grateful to get to spend time with our family and create more memories. Mike and I did say after it was over we wish we hadn't been so busy so we could have enjoyed it a little more. Next year I need to find a way to be a little more organized so we can truly enjoy the month of December and reflect more on the true meaning of the season.

Christmas 2010

Our Christmas was a success. Of course our December was hectic and non stop, but we had an enjoyable time. Mike's Mom and Sister came and stayed with us for the month of December. We had a fun time spending the holidays with them. We attempted to take a family picture for our Christmas Cards, but that was not successful. You would think a family of four could pull off one decent picture, but it wasn't meant to be. Here's a look at one of our attempts:


We went to the Caldwell/Breinholt Christmas party. That's a yearly tradition for my side of the family. We added a white elephant exchange, which made for some good laughs. Here's some pictures of the family.



It's always so fun to get to see our family. I wish it could happen more ofter, but we are all so busy that it just doesn't happen as ofter as we would like. I'll add more later about our Christmas fun.

My Grandma's Hands!

This is my Grandma. Isn't she adorable?

Recently I went to church with my Grandma and as we were sitting there I glanced down at her hands. I thought of how they've changed throughout the years. As I was reflecting on all the good memories with my Grandma the tears started to come of course. My Grandma has been the kind of Grandma I hope to be. Her hands are now wrinkled and old, but still so gentle and loving. I guess when you are 83 years old your hands get that way right? She's always been so encouraging, loving and sweet. I think all of her grandchildren would say that they feel so special when they are with her.

A few weeks ago my Grandma fell outside and has been in a lot of pain ever since. I don't know if she'll ever really recover. She's moved in with my Mom so she can help her. It's hard to see her growing old. My Mom has been a true example of a daughter taking care of her mother. So my Grandma has set the example for all of us to take care of our families. She's always been there for all of us. Now that my Grandpa is gone I am holding on to every treasured moment I get with her. I know she misses him dearly just as we all do. It's hard to picture the day that all of my grandparents will have returned home, but it's inevitable. So I will cherish every moment that I get to hold those sweet wrinkled hands of a woman I love so dearly!

What I learned from Ward splits!

Since we've lived in Stansbury we have been involved in 5 or 6 different Ward splits. Everytime the big announcement comes I get anxious and feel some sadness. It's been frustrating at times to be the street that seems to be on the border of the changes. About 3 weeks ago our Ward split again and our street got put back in the Stansbury Lake Ward. We were in that Ward 5 1/2 years ago and when we were put in the Bayshore Ward I was so sad to be leaving all my great friends in the Stansbury Lake Ward. As the years went by I grew to love the people of the Bayshore Ward. I really didn't want to leave them. The first week back in my new Ward I had a bad attitude. I left and told Mike I didn't want to be in that Ward. I missed my friends in the Bayshore Ward. Mike doesn't understand why it's such a big deal. He always says you can still talk to each other and be friends. In reality everytime I've been through a split you just seem to lose contact with great people. Life is so busy that there's not time to see each other except for on Sundays. Back to my first week in the new Ward. I vented to Mike my frustration with the change and he reminded me about all the great people in the Stansbury Lake Ward that have been my friends for many years. He told me I just needed to concentrated on the good. Well once again he was right. After being in the Ward for 3 weeks now. I have thought about the good and come up with a list. This Ward has been so excepting of all the new people. They have gone out of their way to welcome us and make us feel like we are a part of them For two weeks in Relief Society they have had us introduce ourselves. They had a special "linger longer" (eat cake and ice cream) after church for us last week so we could mingle and get to know each other. Who does there that? Last week the Relief Society had an Enrichment Activity to get to know each other. The bishopric went around to all of the new houses added into the Ward and met everyone. This Ward has really made an effort to make us feel welcome. It has been so refreshing!

So back to what I've learned.

1. Have a good attitude!
2. There are always reasons for why we are in the Ward we're in.
3. Put forth an effort to get to know people.
4. Through every Ward split I have met wonderful people that have blessed my life.
5. Look for the positive in everyone you meet. We are all different, but we can learn something from almost everyone.
6. Enjoy the Journey!

So I am going to embrace my new (old) Ward and hope that I still run into my friends from previous Wards. I have just really been impressed by the love shown to all of us through this change. I hope to always be mindful of others when they go through the same changes. A Ward is really an extension of our family!

Three Year Anniversary!

I've debated for awhile now if I should do a post on this and finally decided this is my journal and I can put it in there. On September 4th it will be my 3 year anniversary after having weight loss surgery. This picture was taken the day before I had surgery. I've been thinking what I learned from this whole process and thought I would share my thoughts. Having surgery was the hardest thing I have ever done. I thought about it for many years before I made the decision to do it. I was so afraid I was going to die. I had heard all the horror stories. I just knew I couldn't live like that anymore though. Once I made the decision I was afraid to tell anyone I didn't need to hear anymore stories. I told very few people before I did it. I remember the day of surgery I was scared to death. I thought I was going to jump off the table when I was waiting to go into the OR. After the surgery it was rough. If I hadn't had the support of my family and some good friends I don't if I would have made it.

What I have learned through this process is that you need to love yourself no matter what size you are. I am still the same person as I was 3 years ago. I am a little more confident and I can do more things that I couldn't with the extra weight, but I am still me. I got so caught up in the negative self talk that I couldn't live my best life. I now realize what I did to my daughter by all the negative comments I made about myself. I really wish I hadn't done that. I should have been teaching her that no matter what size I was that I was still a good person.

People ask me all the time if I am glad I did the surgery and I reply with a yes, but I sure wouldn't want to do it again. I get to enjoy so many more things with my family now, but more than that I feel healthy. Health is what it is all about. I want to live many more years with my family. I remember the first time I jumped on the trampoline with my kids. I started crying. I had looked at that trampoline for years and just wanted to jump with them. Then once I could jump with them I had to worry about wetting my pants. Oh the joys of being a woman.

I am so thankful that Mike loved me all those years whether I was 250lbs. or not. He always told me that I was beautiful no matter what size I was. I am so blessed to be married to a great man.

My Grandpa!

Chris presenting my Grandma with the flag.




My brother Chris is a Major in the National Guard and performed the military service for my Grandpa. Here he's saluting my Grandma.




My sweet nephew Emilio was an honorary pall bearer. He wanted so badly to help carry the casket so he joined in. So cute!




Eric was one of the pall bearers.




This is my Grandpa and Grandma Dickinson

Last Tuesday my grandpa passed away and I didn't want to miss the opportunity to write down my feelings about him.

My Grandpa was no ordinary Grandpa. He was a hero to me. My Grandpa was gruff and at times scared me, but he was the first to wipe tears from his eyes when family was involved. I once told my cousin "Grandpa scares me and she said aw he's a big teddy bear"....she was right. He taught me to be proud of the family name and embrace the people that came before us. He grew up in Panguitch a little town in Southern Utah. He had a lots of property up at Pangutich Lake along with a cabin there. I learned to love Panguitch Lake merely because he loved it. So many good memories there for me. He would give anyone the shirt off his back. He taught all of us kids to work hard. Nothing in life comes without hard work. He taught us to stay out of debt. Save up for the things you need and then purchase them. He loved my Grandma and I never doubted that.

Now when I say he was my hero there are many reasons for that. When I was 18 my parents got divorced. My Mom was faced with needing an affordable place for her and her 6 children to live. There weren't many options available for our family so my Grandpa and Grandma moved out of their house in Cedar City and moved into a condo so we would have a place to live. Our van was totally falling apart and he made sure we had a reliable car to drive. There were many little extras that us kids needed so they always made sure we were provided for. He was a great man. He always gave advise (whether you wanted it or not). Some of his words of wisdom were "always check your oil" and "never pay full price for a car there's another dealership down the road if they won't give you the price yo want". He loved to cook for his family. The sourdough pancakes were my favorite. The stuffed mushrooms are a close second. He always sent us home with a loaf of sourdough bread.

Grandpa had been on oxygen for the past 16 years. I never thought we would get to have him for that long with being on the oxygen. He always took the opportunity to tell anyone that the biggest mistake he made was ever smoking. He had been sick for about 6 weeks and was diagnosed with pneumonia. When he didn't get better they did further tests and found that he had lung cancer. They gave him 3-6 months. When he went home on hospice last Monday I think he just couldn't do it anymore. Later that night he had a stroke and died later that Tuesday. When I got the phone call I hurried home and headed to Cedar City. I got there an hour before he died. I got to kiss that bald head one last time. He fought hard to take care of my Grandma and he was tired. I am glad now he's heaven telling his silly jokes and visiting with my cousin Kim.

He was a great man that I loved. There are many people in our lives that touch us in a way that we can't quite put into words and that's how I feel about him. I hope to live up to his example and remember that family is everything. I love you Grandpa and look forward to the day I get to hear those lame jokes again.