I hope this post makes any sense and is not just a bunch of rambling. This morning I woke up at 6:00 a.m. and got myself ready to head in to my CNA class. Mind you this is the 3rd straight weekend of this and I am a little tired and overwhelmed. Now I don't know about you, but when I put those two things together tears seem to flow pretty easily. I have not been to church for 3 weeks now and next week will be traveling back from Idaho following my nieces baptism so that will make 4 straight weeks. I have often wondered if I will have the strength when my kids are grown and gone to go to church alone, but after these past weeks I don't know how I will have any strength if I don't go. I decided the first Sunday I drove into my class I would take some of my church CD's in the car with me to be uplifted and that would be my form of church. That was a good idea. A few Sundays ago I listened to Alex Boye sing "Nothings Impossible" (love him). Just what I needed to hear. Then this morning as I was leaving the house I went in to kiss Katy goodbye since she was headed back to Cedar today (which I didn't get to spend nearly enough time with her due to my classes)
and as I was hugging her the tears started to flow. Not a strong Mom! Katy said Mom "I know you are overwhelmed, but you can do it and I am so proud of you." I know I keep saying it, but I love that girl. So I got in my car this morning and started "my church" for today as I drove and another song came on about a mother feeling like she could never get enough done, always feeling inadequate and basically wondering if she was going to make it. In the song it talks about how our Savior fed many people with just a couple fish and some bread. You get the picture. It went on to remind me that if we rely on him we can do anything. I don't think that means it's going to be easy, but easier with his help.
I have spent so much time wondering why I am putting myself and my family through this. Mike makes a good living and we are not suffering, but I have had this dream for many years now to be a nurse and I want to accomplish it before it's too late. Now I know it would have been smart to do when I was a young woman just out of high school, but at that time in my life I really just wanted to be a wife and mother. I seriously could not think of anything else I wanted to be so that is what I did. I love being both a wife and mother, but then about 10 years ago through a few different experiences it came to me what my 2nd hearts desire was to be a nurse. Now I have never been a stellar student. I have to work very hard for the grades I get and sometimes a C+ is my best. But I can do this if I trust in the Lord and ask for his help. I may need some of you to remind me of this when I doubt myself again. My Mom went to nursing school after her divorce. She had 6 kids me being the oldest (18) and the youngest (8). She told me that how she got through was reading her scriptures and praying for the Lord to help her. What a great example to me. If my Mom can do it in her circumstance then I can do it. So to any of you that have those self doubts like I do way too often let's rely on the Lord a little more so we can feel peace and accomplish what seems impossible!